you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize