i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
