The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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