Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
