I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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