Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You made out with two different species that night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
