i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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