Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
