If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize