pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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