My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
