i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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