I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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