I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
