omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
