Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
