i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
