New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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