i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
