Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
