not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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