It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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