I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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