Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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