as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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