she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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