Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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