Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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