What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
