i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me I should be a condom model.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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