Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize