I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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