I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
