Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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