Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
