I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
