My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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