I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
