hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize