worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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