Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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