Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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