Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
