bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
