Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
