one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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