vagina is talking i cant
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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