I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
