He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize