i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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