I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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