I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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