DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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