Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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