I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
