The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
