I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
