New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Holy sore nipples Batman
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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