my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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