Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
