I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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