OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
