he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
