True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
