My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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