How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
