and you said cock pushups were impossible
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
