Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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