Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
