What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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