She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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