I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
