her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
