He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want a musical about memes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
