dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
