Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
