Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
wow bdsm is so cute
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
