Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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