the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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