how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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