god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
