does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
