He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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