I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
