Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
