I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
