if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
