i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
