she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
