Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
