I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
