So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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