I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
