dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
