when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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