No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
