I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
