Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
