I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
