Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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