community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
