I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
